Just When I Thought ……


Maybe it was because we were not happy to any further extent. Perhaps we already grew tired of each other. Me? I never felt disgruntled. I never grew tired of you. It was you who lost the feeling. It was you who became indifferent and bland. I never thought it would arrive at that point. Before, you loved me more than I loved you. You cared about me more than I cared about you. And you missed me more than I missed you. But just when I thought I was geared up to give you my whole heart. Just when I thought I wanted to share with you all the days of my life. Just when I thought it’s about time for me to show you how I really feel towards us and the relationship… You were gone. You were suddenly gone. You suddenly had no time for me. I was suddenly no longer on top of your list. You suddenly took me for granted. You suddenly stopped remembering to call me. You suddenly had so many excuses and alibis. You suddenly started telling me lies. All the opposite, you did for the last four years. My heart died. I cried day and night. Thinking of what could have gone wrong… thinking of my shortcomings and imperfections, thinking of the fact that I was losing you…. For the longest time honey, I was feeling so sheltered and secure. Suddenly I felt so lost and my life seemed empty. I broke down at that very moment coz I never thought our relationship would ever turn out that way… I thought the relationship was faultless… I thought nothing would ever go wrong. I opted to go away and try to find myself. I wanted to prove to you that I am strong and I can live without you. The longest weeks of my life, I strived. To understand you, to forgive you, and to help myself get you out of my mind. I succeeded. You’re now out of my system. For two months, I tried not to feel bad about it because I always thought it was for the best. You called me up everyday, telling me how sorry you were… I controlled myself from giving in because I could not stand going through the same heartache again. God knows how much I missed you. God knows how much I cared about you. The feeling was all kept to myself. But it never stopped me from standing by my assertion. Because deep-seated in my heart, this is all for your freedom and happiness. I loved you so much. I gave up everything for you. I have no regrets falling in love and giving my heart to you. For finding and loving you were the greatest things that made my life worth living...